Hockey Is My Boyfriend: Part One Page 3

  I shrugged. Usually I was busy on the weekends, but I felt like staying home tonight. On the other hand, being upstairs while there was a party downstairs would be the complete loser life. So I called Dave Vanderhauf. We went down to the Cove for sushi, then came back to get my stuff before we headed over to his place.

  “Why don’t we go downstairs, just to check out the party? It sounds good.” Hoff suggested. You could hear the thumping bass and people laughing, even two floors up.

  “Ray doesn’t want us there.”

  “C’mon, P.D. We’ll just hang out a bit. Ray’s cool.”

  I shrugged, “It’s just a bunch of his friends. It’s not like a real party.”

  “It’ll be older women who are DTF. Not like girls our age.” Hoff had theories on women, and one was that the older they got, the more sexual they were. No science was involved in his thought processes.

  “Yeah, fat chance that’s going to happen. The last thing a girl in grade twelve wants is a guy in grade ten.”

  “I think we could pass.” Hoff looked at himself in the mirror and popped a bicep.

  I shook my head. “That might work at your school, but my school is small enough that everyone knows each other.”

  “Seriously, Davidson, you’re such an old lady tonight. Cheer the fuck up. Is this still about Kelly? Dude, you’ve got to move on. Show her what she’s missing.”

  Hoff could never understand my liking one person. He had a personal goal to raise his number into the triple digits. So far, it was stuck at zero—unless you counted handies.

  “It’s not about Kelly. I just don’t want to go, that’s all.” Now I wished I had called Kelly to hang out instead of Hoff, but things were a little awkward between us. I knew I’d made her uncomfortable, and I didn’t know if she’d even want to hang out anymore.

  He sighed loudly. “Okay, if you won’t crash the party, at least let’s take a few brews. That way if we end up gaming at my place, it won’t be a total write-off.”

  I nodded. Drinking sounded like a good idea.

  We were in the kitchen sticking some beer into my pack, when these two girls came in the front door.

  “Oh, hi,” the brunette one said. “We were knocking, but nobody seemed to hear us. I hope it’s okay that we came in.”

  Hoff nodded vigourously. “More than okay. Would you like a beer?”

  They smiled and walked over. They were cute, and I recognized both of them from school. Kayla Ford was the brunette, and Alex Fairbourne was the blonde. They were in grade twelve, like Ray and his girlfriend, Viv.

  Hoff popped the caps off the bottles and handed them to the girls. He passed me one too. Then he opened his and held it up. “Cheers, ladies.”

  They giggled and drank. “Do we know you?” Alex asked.

  “I’m Dave Vanderhauf. I go to Handsworth. Grade twelve,” he added.

  “Oh really?” Alex asked, “So I bet you know Marchesa Miller. She’s in ballet with me.”

  “Sure,” Hoff lied easily. “We’re tight.”

  “Gotcha,” Alex laughed. “There is no Marchesa Miller. Who are you really?”

  “Still Dave Vanderhauf, but I’m in grade eleven.” The guy was relentless.

  Kayla turned towards me. “I know you. You go to Seycove, right?”

  I nodded. No way I was going to try to bullshit her. “I’m Phil.”

  “You’re Ray’s little brother, aren’t you?”

  “Yup.”

  “It’s weird, you guys don’t look alike at all,” Kayla said, looking me over. Ray was fair-haired and took after our mom. I had dark hair like our dad.

  “They’re both cute though,” Alex giggled. I realized they had been pre-partying somewhere and were a little drunk.

  “That’s for sure,” Kayla smiled up at me. “So… Phil, I need to fix my top. I spilled something on it.” She pointed to a tiny spot on her sheer blouse. You could see her black bra right through her printed top. She had nice tits.

  “Okay, I’ll show you where the washroom is.” I led the way to the powder room. Behind me, I could hear Hoff moving in on Alex. “I play triple A hockey,” he said. “Are you into hockey?” She sounded less than impressed, and I felt sure he was going to strike out.

  Kayla peeked inside. “Um, this is a little small. Do you have a bigger washroom?”

  She seemed to be kind of a princess. I took her upstairs, and pointed out the guest bathroom.

  But it still wasn’t big enough. “Actually, could I get changed in your room?” she asked.

  “Well, I guess.” My bedroom was reasonably neat. We walked down the hall, and I opened the door for her. Kayla walked in and dumped her purse on my dresser.

  “Cute. So, you do a lot of sports?” She motioned to the various medals and plaques my mom had hung up in my room. Then she ran her hand over the big hockey trophy.

  “Yeah. Hockey, soccer, swimming, track.” I turned to leave.

  “Uh wait, Phil. One more thing,” Kayla turned her back to me. “Could you undo my necklace? It’ll wreck my top if the chain-thing gets caught.”

  She lifted her hair and again I could see the thin straps of her bra through her blouse. I could see her shoulder blades and the line of her back. I reached down and felt the warm skin of her neck. I undid the clasp and pulled off the necklace. She turned, and I put it in her hand.

  “Why, thank you.” Kayla was smiling again. “What a gentleman you are.”

  She stepped towards me and put both her hands on my chest. Oh man, I had a feeling she was coming on to me.

  “So, how old are you, exactly?”

  “Sixteen,” I replied truthfully.

  “Oh? So, sweet sixteen and never been kissed?”

  Well no, I had been kissed—just last weekend, in fact. Then Kayla pushed her tits up against me and kissed me. When she stuck her tongue into my mouth, I started to get hard, and I pretty much forgot about everything else.

  6

  Stud Finder

  “Oh my God! Look! No, don’t look.” April was having a spaz attack beside me as we walked to the caf for lunch.

  I looked anyway and saw Phil. Making out with Kayla Ford against his locker. She had her hands in the back pockets of his jeans, and their mouths seemed to be glued together. I felt my stomach drop about a foot. This was why I hadn’t heard from him in ages.

  “Jeez Louise! How long has this been going on?” I asked April.

  Maybe I spoke too loudly because Phil’s eyes opened and he saw me. April grabbed me by the arm and hustled me out of there. We didn’t say another word until we sat down with Karen and Charmaine.

  “I’m stunned. Literally stunned.” April’s eyes were wide, her mouth was hanging open, and she was fanning herself with her hand. Not surprisingly, she had a flair for the dramatic since she wanted to be an actress.

  Karen nodded. “Kayla Ford and Phil Davidson?”

  “Karen!” April said. “You knew, and you didn’t tell us?”

  “Please, I only found out last class. Of course, when a grade twelve goes out with a grade ten, it’s big news. Everyone is talking about it.” All three of them looked at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Well, how do you feel about it?” April asked.

  “I’m surprised.” Well, I guess I was more than surprised; I felt a little hurt. I mean, Phil had told me he liked me only a week ago. Still, I got that I wasn’t being fair. If I didn’t want to go out with him, he could go out with whoever he wanted. But this fast?

  “You know, it’s weird. I know for a fact that more than a few girls have asked Phil out, and he’s always said no. I figured it was because he was really into Kelly,” Karen said. “But why Kayla Ford and why now?”

  April looked over at me. “Did anything happen between you and Phil? Did you guys have a fight or something?”

  I snorted. “When don’t we have a fight?” We argued a lot because both of us were stubborn and opinionated. But I hadn’t told anyone about the whole kiss
ing thing. I figured that was private, and Phil wouldn’t want it out there. I certainly didn’t.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. Did something happen—like you know—happen happen?”

  “And the award for being completely vague goes to April Lachance,” I said, trying to deflect her. I needed time to think this over by myself. I realized that Phil had had this whole other life, where girls were asking him out and stuff. He had never said a word.

  “Someone’s a little touchy,” April replied. But she could tell I wasn’t into this, and changed the subject.

  However, I couldn’t escape the topic of Phil that day; everyone was talking about him.

  When I went to my group meeting for the Socials project, Marcus was babbling away. “Crap, can you believe how lucky he is? Kayla Ford is hot.”

  I slid into the chair beside Ryan Jones. “You really think so?” I asked. She was okay, but not super pretty.

  “Of course, she’s hot. C’mon, Sparky, girls can never tell when another girl is hot,” Marcus said.

  Ryan smirked. “That’s because we’re not looking in the same places.”

  I pulled out my notes, but Marcus kept going. “I heard they were in his bedroom for hours. The guy is legend now. He’s already got a new nickname.”

  “What’s that?” Ryan wondered.

  “Stud!” Marcus said, like it was some big accomplishment.

  “Where are you getting all this from?” I wondered. “Is Phil telling you?”

  “Nah, you know Davidson. He never brags.”

  Yeah, well, I thought I knew him, but today it seemed like everything I knew about him was getting turned upside down.

  “Can we get to work now?” I asked. They finally opened their books.

  Before last period, I was in one of the bathroom stalls when the door opened and a bunch of girls came in. They were being kind of screechy and I wasn’t really listening until I heard Phil’s name.

  “I can’t believe you’re going out with a guy in grade ten! That’s so weird.”

  “Open your eyes! He’s a total hottie. Right, Kayla?”

  I recognized Kayla’s voice then. “Yeah, he is hot. I had seen him around at school before. But you ladies don’t even know the best part—” She dropped her voice so I couldn’t hear what she said next. Whatever it was, all her friends started shrieking.

  I flushed the toilet and went out to wash my hands. They all glanced at me, then looked away and resumed their conversation.

  “He may not be that experienced, but he’s a fast learner,” Kayla said, and they all started giggling again. “And so good-looking, he’s actually cuter than Ray.”

  “Oh my God, don’t let Viv hear you say that. She’d kill you. But yeah, he is cute. It’s that body though, so hot.”

  “He also has a personality,” I blurted. I couldn’t help it, they were making me crazy.

  “Excuse me? I don’t think we were talking to you,” Alex Fairbourne said.

  “It’s just that Phil Davidson is a friend of mine. He’s a really nice guy; he’s smart and good at music, and he’s a great athlete. You’re making him sound like a piece of meat.”

  At least Kayla looked a little embarrassed, but the rest of them looked pissed.

  Melissa Crumb squinted at me. “Kelly, right?” I nodded. She grinned and said in a singsong voice, “Well, I think Kelly is jelly!”

  They all started laughing, and I left. If that was the kind of girl Phil wanted to date, good luck to him.

  After school, I walked home by myself and thought about Phil. I didn’t really like the idea of him going out with Kayla. On the other hand, if he wanted to do stuff like make out in the hallways, then I was more certain than ever that I wasn’t ready for him. I could not do that. Maybe I was a teensy bit jealous, but I was also a little pissed off that he was completely ignoring me now. But he was clearly enjoying himself, and I wasn’t going to disrupt that.

  Two weeks later, I heard that Phil and Kayla had broken up. I figured we’d start hanging out again, but I didn’t hear a word. Then Karen told me he was going out with Amber Lee. Even I could tell that Amber was beautiful. She was in grade eleven, so he was getting a little more age-appropriate.

  But he still didn’t reach out and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I went to his house and got him to come out for a walk. We went to Little Cates Park; it was always quiet there, and you could see a lot of boats. We sat down on a bench.

  Phil looked out at the water and didn’t say anything. He was still pissed at me, and I was going to have to do all the heavy lifting here.

  “I really miss hanging out with you, Phil. Now that you have a girlfriend, we don’t get to be friends anymore?”

  “Does it bother you that I have a girlfriend?”

  “Bother me? Well, yeah, in a way. Are you going out with girls that appreciate you?”

  “Sure, they appreciate me.” He smiled a little.

  “I mean—you—your personality, your mind. What a fun person you are, stuff like that.”

  “C’mon, Kelly. You don’t know jack about dating.”

  Well, we both knew that was true. “It’s not about my experience, it’s about what you want. Do you want to go with girls just for—” I couldn’t bring myself to say sex, because I didn’t know if he was having sex yet. If he was, that thought was disturbing in all kinds of ways. “Uh, physical stuff.”

  Phil snorted. “Let’s not go there. But if you’re so concerned about what’s best for me, why don’t you go out with me?”

  “We’ve already been through this. I’m not ready to do that yet.”

  He finally turned and looked at me. “I don’t get you, Kelly. We’ve known each other for years, and we have a great time together. Why can’t we go out?”

  “It’s not the same thing, Phil. Hanging out is not like going out.”

  “What’s the diff?”

  I started blushing. “You know what the difference is. In fact, you and Amber seemed to be giving a clinic in the hall last week.”

  “You don’t approve, Kelly?”

  “Well, I felt embarrassed for you. Private stuff should be private.” I thought he had looked like an idiot, and I was surprised he still had a tongue after she was done with him.

  Phil laughed. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  We sat there in silence for a few minutes. Then, as usual, I blurted out the first thing on my mind. “You know, it feels so weird. Like we’ve been together for so long, and now you’re going someplace and leaving me behind.” I didn’t add how sad that made me.

  “Kelly, if we went out—you wouldn’t have to do anything you didn’t want.” But as he said this, he put his hand on my shoulder, and I was totally conscious of his touch.

  “Phil, no, that’s not right. I mean, you’re the normal one here. You should be able to go out with girls and do whatever it is you want.” Which I apparently couldn’t even say out loud. How abnormal was I?

  Phil didn’t say anything right away, but then he made a face. “You’re going to go out sometime. I don’t want to have to see you making out with someone in the hall.”

  “Yuck.” Compared to Kayla Ford or Amber Lee, I was a ten-year-old in body and emotions. “That is so not happening.”

  “Like ever?” Phil asked.

  “Well, I guess I’ll go out someday.” Maybe when I was ancient, like twenty. Kissing Phil hadn’t been completely horrible, but it had scared me. My whole life, I was used to being in complete control of my body and relying on it to do what I wanted on the ice and off. It sucked to have my body start to have a mind of its own.

  Neither of us said anything for ages. A dog ran across the beach and chased away a seagull. The ocean was rippling lines of dark and light.

  “You know, Phil, if I did have to go out with someone, I wouldn’t mind going out with you.”

  “That sounds like a ringing endorsement, Sparky.” Phil was turned away from me, and I couldn’t see his expression.
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  I put my hand on his arm, and he turned to look at me. He was frowning, and I continued.

  “I just meant, when I’m ready—and, well, if you were available—I’d ask you out. You’d be first on my list.”

  I felt pretty dorky saying this, but I wanted to clear up all the static between us. I didn’t feel the same way he did, but there wasn’t anyone anywhere I liked better.

  “Deal.” Phil smiled, a real smile this time.

  We walked down to the beach and pitched rocks into the ocean for a while.

  Phil looked over at me with a crooked eyebrow and a shit-eating grin. “When do you think you’ll be ready, Kel? Tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know, Phil. Definitely not for a while.”

  “I guess I could wait,” he said.

  “Well, I’d be worth waiting for.”

  We both laughed, and I could tell we were friends again.

  7

  Initiation Wrongs

  September 2003

  Eighteen months later

  “I don’t want to play with girls,” I bitched to Phil.

  I knew I sounded like a five-year-old boy. We were in his family room, hanging out. We were still good friends, even though Phil had a steady stream of cute girlfriends. I didn’t think he got that serious with anyone though. Whatever, it wasn’t like I minded.

  I kept talking. “I can’t believe I won’t be playing on the same hockey team with you guys this season.”

  In the spring, Coach Jerry had spoken to my parents about switching me to girls’ hockey. He told them I might be a good enough player to have a chance at a U.S. college scholarship, but I needed to get seen by the right people. Which meant trying out for a girls’ rep team this year.

  “Me either.”

  Phil was playing his Fender guitar without being plugged in, but I knew he was noodling around and still paying attention to me.

  “You know, I figured we’d have a good shot at the championship this season. Ian McGuire would be our goalie, and you’d be our top centre instead of Alexander what-his-face. He is such a tool.”